I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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