K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
