You're completely useless in the revolution.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
