I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
