The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
