Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
