If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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