Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
