Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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