Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
