Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
