it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
