New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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