Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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