Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
