Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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