Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
