Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There r osticjed everywhere
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Randomize
