you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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