I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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