You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
