literally had 100 drinks last night.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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