Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
