You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
