First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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