Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
