So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
