in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
