So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
