I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
