what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
