How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Princesses don't give blow jobs
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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