can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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