help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My breasts were aching with rage.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
