im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
