smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
