Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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