Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
