She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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