Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize