Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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