I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
