Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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