In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
