I CAN MOONWALK!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
