dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize