she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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