You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
