i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
