i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
All the doctor said was why
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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