On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
