I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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