You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
