After last night, I could never be a politician.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
