I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
