I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
