I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
