I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
