just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
