She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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