She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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