that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
