Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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