my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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