This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize